Saturday Night

Wow what a day! Gotta to sleep in a bit, then we were off and running. We went to see Caitlin's soccer which was awesome. She scored! We also had Cayla's Bowling Party! We had a lot of fun. It was cute watching Holly, Meg and Cayla play together. She got spoiled per usual!

I am pooped and I was head boobing until I relized I could blog....that woke me up and cheered me up!

Although as I say this I am also trying to find the remote and a place to cuddle up on!

Good night

cooking

I love to cook. I love looking up recipes on the computer cooking them and hopeing I remember where I found them. If not, its okay there is always another great recipe out there. I love Food network, can't live without it. I have often found myself making whatever I had watched the week before.

I would love to go to school and learn but I am afraid of the cost. It's not like I want to cook in a restaurant and have really crazy long hours. I just want to have the knowledge and cook for people I love.

I love making something that gets people talking. I love when smiles happen when a fork or spoon goes into a mouth.

Maybe one day I will get to do that...never know.

I am tired

Its Wednesday....had a long day. I decided that since it is so nice outside that I would spend the day inside cleaning out the back hall closet. I have so much stuff that we need to switch the winter to the spring/summer wear. It really isn't that bad cause I am so annally organized in general that walking up and down stairs was the tuffest part.

Its done now and all my spring/summer stuff is out and making me excited for the nicer weather. That means eating outside, playing outside, even camping something I sore I would never do as well. Its funny cause I love it. I feel like I can run away from my everyday life.

Well tummy is sore and its time to go until next blog!

Tears are enough already!

Okay so its Wednesday....we decided last night that we are going to Myrtle Beach for March Break! My brother will be joining us. I am a bit nervous but the reality is I know it will be another amazing holiday!

I have my daycare kids only today which is always weird. I love having them and not having my own, but then I miss mine alot, and yet she drives me bonkers when she is here.

My vent for today is crying kids. My daughter decided that she did not want to go to her friends house to play incase she upsets her and yet....she wanted to go...tears and drama begin. Then my oldest child I care for has tears, which is understandable, but her younger sister is smiling and hugging me and loving every minute here---weird how one can be so happy and one not.

I am blah, I should be excited but I am not. I am missing one of my BFF's. He is gone and I am miserable without him. He makes me laugh and he makes me giggle and distracts me from life. I do the same for him, but he is away. I get that it just sucks. Tears could be shed over this but really enough.

My husband rocks so much that I feel like he is the most wonderful thing in the world and I am nothing but the dirt around him. Why....cause....to long to write. He loves me and treats me like a Queen and I don't treat him well enough. This is something that I would normally cry over and yet today enough tears!

Well that is it no more tears.....hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!

Tuesday March 9, 2010.

So I did it. I caved into what I thought I would never do and that is blog....
I have to vent, most people need to vent and sometimes I don't want to vent to my husband or girlfriends although they are the most amazing people, I just need to vent...to no one and yet hope someone out there in this world can see and understand, and agree or disagree with my vent.

I am venting today about my wonderful children. My eldest girl is almost 10---wow double digits and yet acts like my other youngest daughter who is almost 5. Then there is the boy...my beautiful, sweet and yes sometimes annoying boy who is almost 8.

Today while playing ball hockey my older daughter Caitlin decided that she was gonna slap shot her brother in the shine...why? "Just cause". I explain to her the danger and hurt that this can cause. I tell her in a reasonable voice not to do it again, and I get "whatever" and a stomp. People i got a stomp....wtf! You will learn to appreciate my language in the future. I sent her to her room because my hands where now in fists....and then the wheels in my head begin to turn. What have I done wrong. What did I do as Mom, I talk to her in a tone-ie voice and that is why she talks like that. Am I all alone???

My husband is a wonderful man. He is now downstairs with the kids feeding them leftovers while I sit in my room, door locked, tears streaming down my face. This is just such a small detail why am I upset you ask. It is because this is only a tiny snippet of a very long day.

Children, running a home, a daycare, a marriage, and somewhere a life for me....it is overwhelming most days.

Time to slap back on the face, who must know that one I am talking about, who know the one that says I am normal, I love you unconditionally, I am happy, I am at peace.....when really the true face wants to scream in its loudest voice.....help me I am slowly drowning!!