Feeling fantastic

Well now let me tell you about a great experience when I went to Costco the other day.  I went in to get tomatoes and of course went to the clothing section.  I went to look for something for my daughter went I came across a cute skirt (actually a skort), capris, and a hoodie.  I loved the cute skirt, but, they only had a large.  I thought what the hell they are $9.99.  I can return it if it doesn't fit.  The capris were a great price and they had only 14's left.  So again I thought wtf right.  So, off to the cash I went.  When I got to my Mom's I showed her the cute stuff.  She said "well go try them on!" Off to the bathroom I went thinking that none of them would fit.  I hesitated, I talked myself into the "it's ok if they don't, just trying" talk.  Not sure if anyone else does this but I sure as hell do.  Anyways,  I pulled them up, over my thighs and let out a giggle.  Then I pulled them up and buttoned them up.  I smiled, I giggled, I was jumping and clapping!!!  You see I have not been able to ever buy clothes at Costco.  They do not carry anything plus size.  When I was finally able to pull out a size 16 I was thrilled.  Costco has a lot of cute stuff very reasonably priced but not a lot of 16's.  BUT, I pulled off a size 14 DKNY Capri pant and was so proud of me!!!  The skirt is super cute and so is my hoodie all size larger.  I know size doesn't matter - well in some cases --LOL!! But, what I wanted to say is this journey as had so many ups and downs but it has worked.  I eat everything!  Popcorn, chips and cookies included, I do not deny myself anything.  I do however eat in smaller portions.  I eat a lot of really good stuff as well.  I exercise regularly.  People of you want to be healthier there is no diet.  There is no pill.  There is nothing more than portion control, better food, and exercise!  The other thing you need is a lot of positive.  You need support.  I have the world's best support system.  I have amazing friends, I have an amazing boot camp instructor who is nothing more than encouraging. My family is my rock.  I also realized you need to do everything as a family.  No seperate meals, no bird food, just lots of yummy delicious healthy food and activity.  Walk, run, bootcamp, bike, dance......I do all if it.  I don't just do one thing.  My family runs with me, they dance with me, we bike together.  Change is good.  It's scary but good!  I never thought I would run, I never thought I would do a bootcamp.  I do and I love it.  Sizes don't matter, but when you look at yourself in the mirror everyday and don't think you see the changes, they help.  People as so sweet and tell me how good I look or encourage me.  But sometimes I think they are saying it because of the journey they know I am on.  But sizes in clothes encourage me, they push me.  So go forth and enjoy.  Don't worry about what you are eating if you are eating right.  Exercise regularly meaning at the very least 3 times a week.  Hell, if I am going to do laundry I want to wash something I worked for.  I want a sweating stinky shirt to wash. Sweat is good.  So are cheesies. The only problem I have now is making sure I don't go into Costco to often or I will end up paying for my membership ten times over.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED

I know its been forever since I wrote here, mostly cause I was avoiding it.  You see the last post I told you my dirty secret--you know-- the one that I started smoking and my weight lose journey was stale.  Well I am happy to report some things have changed.  The smoking thing is still a thing.  There are days and sometime weeks I don't smoke, and then there are days I can eat them.  I have come to terms with this.  I do know I will quit soon enough.  I can beat myself up, discourage myself, call myself names, or just move on, so I am moving on.  As for the weight loss, well that has changed.  I have started doing a boot camp twice a week, and I love it.  I am so happy that I found out about it.  The instructor is amazing, encouraging, and gorgeous inside and out!  She is an inspiration.  I go with a friend that started her journey with me way back in 2013.  The one thing I have discovered is that in 2014 I maintained my weight.  When I watched what I ate, and exercised at least twice a week, I had no issues.  I needed to know that I could maintain my weight lose without really thinking about it. In 2015, I was so sick for the first month that I was not able to do much.  Once February came,  so did the damn cold--the coldest February in a very long time.  I managed, nothing more.  March was it, it was going to be the beginning of the new me again.  I started logging everything into myfitnesspal.com again, and the half pounds came off.  I enjoyed March break, maintained, then got back on track.  I am now exercising a minimum of three times a week (doing circuit training/boot camp), wii, and xbox, treadmill and walking.  Last week for the first time in forever, I lost 1.5 lbs.  That is not my norm.  BUT- man did it rock!  I was smiling all week, nothing got me down, and I was encouraged to really think about what I wanted to eat.  Over these last couple of years, I have discovered some really interesting things.  One thing I learned is that exercise make you feel alive, eating EVERYTHING in moderation is key, and just letting go of the shit times the scale doesn't reflex what you want.  My kids will work out with me, they will encourage me and actually ask me to exercise with them.  Last weekend we took apart a couple of closets and laughed because in my sons my wedding dress was hanging as it was 20 years (in Sep) ago.  They wanted me to try it on, and I have to say I was nervous.  It fit, and it fit with room.  Wanna know what my first reaction was?  My first thought was "I was this fat when I got married."  How pathetic is that.  Most women would be so happy, and I went to the dark shit right away.  I would beat the shit out of any of my friends if they thought that.  I mean really.  These crappy thoughts did not last long.  My girls were so excited saying "Mom that is amazing remember when we couldn't do it up?"  I had forgot.  I had tried it on a few years back and thought I would wear it for Halloween, and it did not fit AT ALL.  Once I remembered that, I smiled, wide.  They were excited so why am I not jumping up and down.  My oldest wanted to take a picture and then said "Mom we should post this." So we did.  It felt good.  I felt proud.  Today, I wanted to work out, but instead I did groceries, peeled 10 lbs of potatoes, marinated some lamb, got my stuffing ready, set the table and organized my dishes, all for Easter and the 20 people that will be celebrating with us.  I finally just sat down.  I know it sucks that I did not work out, but, I also know I have worked hard, and deserve to sit  and chill.  I also know that I will continue to succeed, and I also know I will work out tomorrow.  I know that I am healthier and have a lot to still work on.  What I wanted you to know is don't waste so much time beating yourself up.  Don't go to the negative first like me.  Its hard to go positive first, but really push yourself there.  A friend of mine is also working on this, and she says its hard all the time, and man is it ever.  Be sure to enjoy all your accomplishments even the small ones.  Find people that inspire you.  Inspire others.  Most importantly, just be accepting of who you are and work on getting better.  I am writing this so I can look back on those shit days, and re-read this and remind myself to do all of this.  Enjoy your holiday this weekend, and eat and enjoy--just remember to work out, go for a walk, laugh really hard (it burns good calories), and be positive.

FIRST STEPS ARE THE HARDEST.

Ok so its been great--so far--except for tonight.  I had a cheat.  I am embarrassed which is why I am writing this cause like I said I need to be accountable for it.  I had a smoke.  I am pissed that I did and yet I totally enjoyed it LOL.  Seriously I know it is not something to laugh at but.....I am being honest.

So, off the wagon for a moment and now I am back on again.

I have worked out, I have used myfitnespal regularly and I am proud of that.

Tomorrow is another day, and I know I can do it.

I promise that I can do this.  RIGHT????

I know I can.

I do.

SOOOOOO hate me and love me cause that is what I do every damn day.  Onward and upward and tomorrow is another day.

I am good.  
Thanks for listening.
I am hoping that the next post will be amazingly happy and even more successful.

TO ANOTHER BEGINNING.....

Well, its been awhile--a long while since I have used this space.  I gotta be honest I am reaching out to this venue again as it works so well the first time.  I want to put my journey into word form and have accountability because that is what worked so well the first time.  I want to continue my journey of eating right, getting healthy, and losing more weight.  The weight thing will happen by following my journey but I am not setting an amount.  I just want to do this slow and right.  I have proven that my changes and active living works.  I really started out loud in Jan 2013.  To date I have lost 30 (was at 35 but halloween came and I just got lazy lol), but I have lost 3 dress sizes and can now shop pretty much anywhere.  I can go farther back to my heaviest which was in 2009.  It is then I started really slowly and had many crash and burns.  BUT I can tell you slowly-ever so slowly I have lost more than the 30 lbs.  I never stepped on the scale at that time.  But my clothes were the true reflection.  I lost another 2 dress sizes.

I did run 2 x 5km this summer but I did want to run more but the hernia surgery did impact that.  I want to run at least 3 next spring/summer and a 10km in the fall.  I have started some really fun circuit training with the help of my hubby and my daughter's soccer team.  There is a great FREE app (but we did buy the full version) clued Sworkit Pro.  Try it its the best 30 minutes of cursing, and sweating you will have.  You will thank the God's when they say 30 sec break.  My goal is to this training at least 3 times a week, run at least 3 times per week and have a rest day.

BUT in order to do all this I have to share my secret first.  I am totally embarrassed and I have hidden this from most people but not all people.  I smoked for many many years.  In fact I smoked my first cigarette when i was in Grade 6 in the back of the play yard and it was a purple cigarette with a gold filter.  However, I started buying them regularly at the age of 14.  I quit Feb 2, 2008.  I just woke up one day and said screw it.  I did not look back until 2012--my Mom was ill and having issues and then I started with a puff.  A puff here and a puff there........2014.   I am buying smokes and smoking them.  I am hiding (although not well) from my kids and others.  So, I decided that I need to share this journey along with my other as they go hand in hand.  I quit on Thursday Nov. 13, 2014.  I got my kids and husband to video themselves giving me 3 reasons why they thought I should quit.  They have helped me a lot.  I just go outside and "pretend" like I am having a smoke and I watch the videos.  It has helped tremendously.  I did sneak a puff in the other day but then felt like shit and am over that.  For people who do not understand why people smoke--I wish I had a reason for you.  All I know is I would be totally crushed if my kids did.  Its funny I use to say I would never go back to smoking as I seen the benefits BUT shit fucking happened!  I hate it, and yet LOVE IT.  I will miss it, but I will get over it.

So, I ran on my treadmill for 45 minutes (walked at 3MPH- and ran at 4/5MPH).  I am going to shower and get ready for a full day of work and fun.  If you need me to bitch slap you let me know cause trust me when I say I will need a good bitch slap every once in awhile.  BTW don't hate me for smoking---I really really really really am sorry I did start again for myself and for my family.  I am hoping it will be as easy as it was last time.  Kisses and hugs and lots of bitching to all those who read, share, sympathize, and will join.

So--as I post, curse, laugh and cry I ask you do the same with me.  Share if you want, join me if you want.  Just know I loved all my support last time and I am looking forward to more support this time. I will help you, push you and encourage you I PROMISE!

Here is to a new year --- yeah yeah its Nov but whatever----of workouts, laughs, cursing, weight lose, better lungs, and more fun.

Thanks for listening peace out bitches!
Sonia

Saturday Night

Wow what a day! Gotta to sleep in a bit, then we were off and running. We went to see Caitlin's soccer which was awesome. She scored! We also had Cayla's Bowling Party! We had a lot of fun. It was cute watching Holly, Meg and Cayla play together. She got spoiled per usual!

I am pooped and I was head boobing until I relized I could blog....that woke me up and cheered me up!

Although as I say this I am also trying to find the remote and a place to cuddle up on!

Good night

cooking

I love to cook. I love looking up recipes on the computer cooking them and hopeing I remember where I found them. If not, its okay there is always another great recipe out there. I love Food network, can't live without it. I have often found myself making whatever I had watched the week before.

I would love to go to school and learn but I am afraid of the cost. It's not like I want to cook in a restaurant and have really crazy long hours. I just want to have the knowledge and cook for people I love.

I love making something that gets people talking. I love when smiles happen when a fork or spoon goes into a mouth.

Maybe one day I will get to do that...never know.

I am tired

Its Wednesday....had a long day. I decided that since it is so nice outside that I would spend the day inside cleaning out the back hall closet. I have so much stuff that we need to switch the winter to the spring/summer wear. It really isn't that bad cause I am so annally organized in general that walking up and down stairs was the tuffest part.

Its done now and all my spring/summer stuff is out and making me excited for the nicer weather. That means eating outside, playing outside, even camping something I sore I would never do as well. Its funny cause I love it. I feel like I can run away from my everyday life.

Well tummy is sore and its time to go until next blog!